I dunno !!

Whats goin on in my mind? I m really not sure....a constant search...or constantly waiting ..for what?? i dunno...what do i expect from this world? mayb everything...mayb nothing...what do i want friends for? To understand me?? Even when I am enjoying someone's company i know.."This too shall pass away"...someday they wudn't understand me...someday when i need them the most, they wudn't be there...why am i scared to stay alone? lonelines scares me....my conscience asks too many questions....I m tired of justifying myself to myself...i wish i was a saint..I am not..i have desires ...i wish i was an arsehole.....then i cud absolutely screw anyone for my happiness...i ant do that either....i still am true and honest to a large extent..im smiling...large extent!!! Isn't that funny? I am constantly torn apart..ripped by opposite feelings..emotions strange to each other!! I wish I get busy soon.....loneliness is killing me......