flying..

This morning when a plane went right over my head , id int feel the same way i used to before....sad ...but yeah....i always wondered what it must be like to be flyin the clouds...its great....and i understood why god loves His creation so much..why he forgives us all..because everyone looks so incredibly small and insignificant....the earth looks so beautiful..and we look like tiny creatures crawling on our dear mama's body..despereately dependent.....the mess that is here looks just a small antline up there.....and clouds are always there to distract gods...hehhe...at 200 km /hr and 1km above the ground..the earth turns into a multicoloured heaven.....stars shine and adorn the ground the same way flowers do to a garden in spring...yeah i was glued to the small window..most peole were hardly bothered..mayb they have dont it a hundred times..but i guess it was a sight of a lifetime i wud hold dear to my heart like a kid owns a teddy....yes the sirhostesses were beautiful and for a few monets i exchanged the window for the end seat....im smiling.....but yeah the kid's heart wants everything.....the five star hotel was good...the cuisine was interesting..i realised that as people get richer they wear less and eat lesser....i hope i never have to live in such a scarcity........god bless them......but yeah the sky looks beautiful when we r on the ground..but when u r in the skies trust me the earth looks much better....

down the memory lane..

3rd May 2003...mom broke the news that dad was not ready to send me back to the ashram...and that aftrenoon i cried..and things went on..and life was never the same....what i was would never again be a part of what i am...and what i am woud never be what i was....life's changed..i ve known and forgotten people...ive made friends ..lost friends....lots of things...but life simply refuses to be what it was there .....

23rd june 2007.....tears rolled down my cheeks..incessantly...when I saw Swamiji's throne..He wasn't there ...but the ashram was stilll the way it was the last time i saw it....doors which were once open to me had closed upin me...i was an alien in my own home......there were some nostalgic moments....some pricks ..some pangs...remembered the last time we all ran to get into Swamiji's room for a Trayee session....part of my heart wants them all back..a part is happy with what i have..but yeah ...Swamiji still comes into my dreams reminding me thata He is not far away...or rather ....optimistically..i haven't drifted too far away...

Something strange...

Something strange has taken over me...m i bein myself or m i being more depressed i dunno..people have started complainging that Imm cribbing..dont really think so..the more u think the more u find fault with everything u see around...and greater is the feeling of purposelessness all around..and the Blore ambience is not helping this numbness either....im becoming a loner with every passing day..is that bcoz im happy with myself or bcoz i hate those around me i dunno..got to find that out....but yeah...so much to care for look for and hope for and still im sensing a deep dissatisfaction within me..soooo sooon???strange isn't it...but yeah its happening.....

I wanna go places......

Went for a team outing...the special part was I did the bookings.my manager forced me to do all that and Im thankful he asked me to..we went for bowling...its a nice game....wow the way it releases ur worries and the way everyone becomes a kid....and then we went to "posh" hotel..my second five star this week and I have already started hating the rich..the women dont wear anything and the men drink mugs of beer...and they have very less grey matter in their heads.,.im talking abt the yoth..not their dads...and yeah i saw chain smoker females too.....
leave that shit aside...i got one of the best compliments of my life....i was sitting with my manager's manager..the same guy who took my final interview in college befire I was selected and he told me that after my first interview the guy who took it(hez a big shot rt now in the company)came to him and said."U have got to meet this guy!!!" and the way he said it to me was like .."wow"....it feels something to hear words like that from "Big people"....i can go place..just hoping i really do.....not the places i went this evening....they feel like shit...but the ones whose foundations start from the clouds.....

learning to fly...(pun intended)

Days are flying by.. I m preparing to fly myself soon...and what an experience that would be....as a new world unfolds...wish i woudl still be the same when i get back to the earth ..i dont wanna be a part of them....they dont live...i guess they dont even know what life is about...

Read this...

http://urdupoetry.com/kaifi09.html

Behad achi hai.....

Princess...

Use bohot gussa aatha hai..and Her anger is very dangerous..kuch bhi ker dethi hai...uff jo derd hotha hai....mera testimonial delete ker diya...:(per itni massom hai , itna bachpana nazer aatha hai , itna childishness nazer aatha hai ki agle pal hi bohottttttttt mohabbat kerne ka man kertha hai...Per itne doori se kya mohaabat kera koi siwaaye intezaar ke....sirf mohabbat ko lafzon se jataaya ja sake tho kya faida....kabhi aisa ho ki dil fanaa ho jaaye aur labon se "uff "tak na nikle..aise hi chup chaap khuli aankhon se dil thame mohabbat kerthe rahein...mushkil hotha hai...but someone so special as Her makes U do that..makes it possible..makes it worthwhile...makes the pain beautiful....makes U feel special...makes u a complete human being...Love You Princess...

Life starts anew....

New faces, new people, a new world, a new schedule, new obligations, new responsibilities, new burdens, new fears..something's still not changed...that constant search for that hidden person...a constant search for someone who makes u feel u r looking at urself in a mirror..for someone who is not artificial , for whom life is not all abt money, projects,positions, parties....agreed these r all a big part, even more so now but they r not the priority....life's changed in the sense that leisure has become an amazing luxury...never felt the kind of relief i m feeling rt now...a weekend....so soothing....sometimes i wonder how people have been able to live a life like this for years....no time for oneself...living constantly for "something else"...no time to walk alone in the middle of the road,dead of the night, no time to enjoy the morning dew, no time to write a poem, not time for anything that makes life worth living...wish my life doesn't become like that....this suffocation is something that sucks life out humans..wish i get some oxygen to breathe every now and then...this life is an essentiality but its not the essence..not the end all!! like say classes in Java(they r real tough yaar!!!) like one class inherits another class ..has all its attributes plus the extra features developed for its own purpose....leisure is worthless without a mission, a motive...missions and aims r worthless if we cant afford that leisure on those fine moments..that rendezvous with happiness that sparks ur life every now and then...

Feel like God!!

Watched the new Avenger ad.."I forgive them all..I feel like God"...There is an overbridge right above ,(25 ft) over one of the busiest roads in Blore..and dead centre of that bridge there was a chair...a nice breeze blows acroos it..and when u lok down there r innumerable vehicles..U see all the reds on one side and the whites on the other as if multicoloured stars are adorning earth...and U feel u r looking down upon the sky...I felt like God...watching His creation with love ....