first fortnight ...

First fortnight in a distant land..sounds poetic isn't it? but it is very painful..i had a nice bath...cooked my lunch..sitting on the internet in a towel..isn't that an ideal sunday???but im dying with guilt.....for having " wasted my weekend"..yes..thats the state of affairs..there is so much to do during the weekdays that if you dont do anything fruitful on ur weekends u ve failed to manage ur time..and i know its a pity...but yeah there is so much to look around and explore...and life has become a race.."there is no time to stand and stare"..uufffhh..see i cant even recollect the lines properly...there is a deep prayer that these 3 months get over in a blink..dunno if its fear of workload here...or my homesickness.or just the fact that im out of my comfortzone and also out of my sync with friends i dunno....mayb ill get used to this and feel reluctant to go back 3 months from now only time will tell...but as quoted in a movie.ur happiness and success have value only if ur with ur near and dear ones to share...i feel guilt everytime i see something beautiful bcoz i wanna show that to my dad and mom as well...i miss mygood frnds...i miss Princess..miss my God...everyone...and sometimes all this looks so senseles..and life so purposeless...all for a rat race to get to the top of the corporate ladder..who cares a shit....money has left us with no time to pursue art....bcoz art doesn;t feed..art doesn;t get u ipods and cameras and laptops..art doesn;t make ur parents happy..art doesn;t get women either....hehe...but if i look inwards im missing my soul as well..and thats one thing that art gets u and money doesn;t....wish i could lie down on the grass on a sunday listening to music and readin a novel...aah...see the interconnection of life, money and peace??

Leaving..

Leaving....such a strange word..to be honest not very excited..in fact given a choice will stay back....to realise how it feels when U cant reach Ur loved ones and they cant reach U either at will...makes me really sad...feeling gloomy all morning..i haven't packed bags either....hehe..so much pending work..i just dont have the heart..thank Gods I got a chance to talk to my Princess once before leaving.....as She said, "mann halka ho gaya"....will miss "My " people.."my" friends for 3 months...it seems sooooooooooooo looooooooooooooonggggggggggg...and yeah unlike most others Im looking forward to coming back and my stay here after i come back.....gonna enjoy it...ashish asked me to list the 5 things im gonna do there for sure...ive a task now to really complete them...1. bungee jumping 2.making a great frnd out there..3..making a good frnd in my batch 4. visiting some naughty places(not so sure abt this one after yday..)5. watch niagara falls...lets c how many i complete...and yeah i wil wriote a diary..so once i come back will upload them..

to ashram...

Went back to the Ashram after 7 long years....7 is a very important number in Hindu mythology.... Lord Vishnu gives His gatekeepers the option of 7 lives as His devotees, or 3 lives as demons ..but they were so reluctant to live away from Him that they choose 3 lives as demons..and then we had..(ravana kumbhakarna..treta yug), (shishupal, dantavakra..dwapar yug) .......and (hiranyakashyap and hiranyakasha...sathya yug),..so i felt my wait would atlast end....but it dint..dint get to see Swamiji,....He is old..now HE needs a car to get back to His room..and all i got was half an hour in the ashram..my fault..should have got up earlier in the morning... ...8 hrs of bus journey for nothing???i complained and i knew what i missed in real world, He would compensate to me in dreams as has always been the case....and i did get a dream..not that day but the day after...and i was happier..bcoz dreams can sometimes be just a mere reflection of ur day's thoughts...nothing necessarily spiritual....but still would love to see HIm next time I go there....disappointed..i so badly wanted to see Him before i leave for US..but its fine..the longer the wait the sweeter the result....or rather as He told me once in my dream(and now it all turned true)..."the greater the pain, more is the happiness that you would get later"...and yeah..the happiness has just started to surface...

living in the moment..

Ashish asked me yday that if we are motivated to do somethng better does that mean we are not happy in the present bcoz if we r looking for a better tomorrow it means we are not happy with the present...i told him that happiness is being lost in the very moment...we strive every moment abt our future bcoz we believe we can get something where we can drow ourselves....but the moment whe we r entirely lost is the moment of happiness..may b when w e are talking to a loved one..or just throwing stones at poles(both of us used to do lots of that and so much get immersed in that)or may when we r so imersed writing a poem or trying to play a song on the guitar..or een geting wet in the rain..or mayb a silly ting like trying to impress a girl...u r so lost in doin it..thats happiness to me..