Relationships.....

What do we look for in a relationship? Love, passion, commitment, security, benefits or simply happiness? Or is happiness just another combination of the aforesaid factors? Is relationship like a business where we invest something and get returns? Is it possible that sometimes we invest so much in one business and lose that we don’t have anything left to invest in anything else? How do we decide what to give and what not to give? Whom to give and whom not to give? I guess relationships are all see saw balances..we try to balance what we get and receive…if nothing else the happiness or rather the peace we get in giving someone is reward in itself....Relationships…how do I describe this all important word…society….friends….circle..contacts….close pals…there are a thousand divisions ..at the same time shudn’t we be aware of where to draw a line? But dont we cross the line ourselves and let our relationships define us? Are our relationships an indicator of what we are? Do we have no separate existence apart from the way we maintain relationships? I feel we are drained by the commitments we get into…so much so that we are too carried away by the way we fail in one or two relations and as a result mess up our entire thought process….but at the end of the day what we are is not what others, even the best of our friends, think about us but what we think about ourselves…and that brings me to another question? Should we judge our relations and their veracity by the way our opinion about ourselves matches with others. ...as in…is the guy who thinks the same about me as I do about myself, my best friend?

Do you know how it feels like?

Do You know how it feels like when someone says,"I love you, honestly,sincerely, truly".......It feels nice, great..no,no...it feels awesome....no..it feels "heaven"..its a different thing seeing it in letters, on cards, in mails...but when you actually hear it...you feel wanted...Ashish showed me a beautiful artcile in sunday times the other day...about how, what we are, reflects in the kind of people we choose and the way we tend to get loved the way we love ourselves...and so even if you are capable of loving someone a lotttttttt..may be unconditionally, there is always an innate desire to be loved similarly...to be wanted, cherished..u keep wishing someone down the line values you, your presence in their lives...

But do u know how it feels like when u hear those words and all u can say is "Thank You" even though you love the person a thousand times more(thats not a random assumption)...all you can do is stare down the road, smile and feel your helplessness...amazing how we all are slaves of destiny...of our fantasies, of imagination, of hope, of dreams,of everything that is miles away from Reality!!!

Do u know how it feels like when someone walking beside u says them as if they were always there hanging in the air to take shape and fall on ur ears in a blissful note and then transform into a smile on ur face?

It feels beyond words.....

A Sin?

I went out with SH today....My mood was pretty good..we went to my sis's house....somewhere down the talk my jokes actually got serious and I actually enjoyed hurting her...this moment i m hating myself for doing it but that strong urge to make her realize how wrong she had been some of the times and how much she had hurt me at different points of time somehow took over me....wish I could get those moments back..after all when u care for someone and u dont get back what u exactly expect u have two choices...u can continue being wht u r or u can stop caring as well..i guess the first option is a difficult path to tread but that is what we should try doing ..after all its a privilege we r gifting to the people we love so much...so what if we are unlucky enough not to get it back the way we had wanted to or expect to, but at the end of the day our love for someone is at its flamboyant best when u r showing it with a song playing in the background.."teri aankhon ka jadoo poori duniya pe hai....duniya ki is bheed main sabse peeche ham khade.."..its great if u get something back...fine if u dont...life moves on...like the song in the background...

Guitars at the cafe!!

I am not a big patron of the idea of playing guitar at a public place..mayb I am just scared....yesterday Ashish , me and Bhattar were sitting at the cafe and Ashish suddenly started playing his guitar....I was slightly embarassed in the beginning but I understood what he was trying to do...and so i supported him...soon the whole way of looking at it changed...and after an hour i actally asked for the guitar and played it myself....after a looooooooooooong time....me doin it in the cafe was like amazing and i did it not to prove to someone i can play the guitar as well(thats a common idea) but because I actually felt like playing the guitar and then a strong wind started blowing...i could actually laugh at myself saying I am the modern geeration Tansen .....and then we three had a hell of a discussion in Ashish's room till 2 :30 i the night.....
moral.....try to be happy..U will get happy...its ok if there's a deep rooted pain somewhere buried in ur heart...but one can still be happy....then I went to the terrace ..it was a clear sky....with a billion stars...and there was a bright one too....I am smiling...I was happy....

Lamha banker na reh paaya!!!

Jhuki aankhen jo na keh payee khuli julfo ne woh jataya,
Unke sehme se izhaar main ye lamha bas ek lamha reh na paaya,
Unke geele se tabassum se baatein bhi kuch hui meri,
Ab ye guftagu sirf jubaan ka khel na reh paaya.

Kuch muddatein unki khamoshi main bikher gaye,
Kuch lafz unke hothon ke aaghosh main chup gaye,
Rukhsaar pe naqsh fir bhi woh iqraar tha,
Jise pal pal unke anchue adaon ne dikhlaaya.

Unke mohabbat ne kuch aisa hamey aazmaaya,
Dil aur zehen main bas sukoon hi hai chaaya,
Badalthe jazbaath bhi ek nayaa ehsaas de rahein hain,
Iqraar ka ye lamha bas ek lamha banker na reh paaya..

(Song written by Krish
composed by Ashish)

Smiles are forever.....

A Rose i thought i would never see again , bloomed and spread its fragrance in my garden like a summer morning breeze. A few minutes got etched on my mind, as i gazed at it, and then everything looked so normal again, as if nothing has ever changed...and as I always say "Life has always been beautiful". Ashish so rightly says, "If we dance even when we are not really interested we get interested soon...".May be that is the phase I am goin through right now. Offlate I am hell bent about one thing..come whatever i would stay happy. I am actually finding it easy now. Nothing really seems significant enough to sacrifice my smile. Nothing. Its just like there are a few clouds and i have to glide through them, without the fear of falling , i should add. I learnt a lesson while swimming and that applies to real life as well. If you believe you would float, you will float. You will sink only when you stop believing and raise your hands for help. Never raise your hands. Always try to swim. There is a line I often quote without ever realising its meaning. Guess I am right now. Always keep smiling. Your smile might well be the ray of sunshine for someone, on an otherwise gloomy day.

Amazing maze!!

Whats around us is amazing...an amzing maze ..a complicated web of perceptions and senses....But the existence is really questionable....When we see silhouettes in the dark people around r so spontaneous in telling us its juts our figment of our imagination...what worries me is what if everything around..even that which is present in the so called "day light" is a figment of my imagination....??Ramya once told me that Sara is very imaginary...That Her love is just an idea and not reality....funny isn't it..i replied she standing infront of me is just as real or as virtual..both r basically the way my brain had decided to interpret the signals..what if it is malfunctioning? even if it is working properly isn't it just a conditioning we have gone through at an earlier stage of life..in a way most of what we r doing , seeing or feeling is bcoz we have been told to do so at some point of our life and even our life is just a bad reproduction of someone else's thought and its a big chain..wud i ever come out of it???

Yday at the cafty , i just stumbled over an ageold question...i was lying on my back in the grass gazing at the stars..searching for the brightest one...and then i wondered if such gigantic objects are lost in this galaxy then what really is my significance!! What do I add to this universe..what difference did i or will I ever make? I felt someone up there was playing a game...tp as we say in hostel lingo...and we by losing ourselves in this beautiful maze of life add to His entertainment....and then i mused...the times i was really happy was when i was lost in doin something..."writing a poem all my energy used for finding the right words", "playing the guitar", watching the sunset...without a streak of a thought...and then i questioned myself...isn't it good to immerse urself in something and live out the time u have here on this wonderful planet..or should I, now that I am halfway through continue on this strange path where I look at everything including myself from a "Third person" point of view..like a constant observatory watching and memorizing ur actions..ready to screw u when u contradict ur own self...? Confused utterly about which direction to take....but as i told my friend..."knowledge and realisations can never really be undone" is it possible to forget ever the abc's..or 123's and even if i want to will the world i live in allow me 2???