life's beautiful...

The last days of a phase....im tensed worried excited.....everything that can happen to my mind is happening..im taking sleeping tablets at night..im not able to sleep....but i ve loads of dreams..loads of things to look upto...the rain came down today..almost symbolically the wind was blowing the droplets over my face...Princess is talking to me again....Shez sent me something thats more than enough for a lifetime....everything seems so beautiful..i guess life is more about attitude..the way u take things happening to u..but how much ever stropng our heart is we always need those moments of care and acknowledgement from the ones we love...special ones always make life more special....Ashihs says " ask for it and ull get it" well looks like tis happening for me.....

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I am extremely happy...sometimes its good if a few feelings r left hanging in silence rather than trying to mould them in words.....

Birthday..

I recieved a special poem..hmm "nazm" ...on my birthday..the one i was waiting for...felt special..it was a apriceless feeling....apart from that got loads of calls and messages..sometimes when friends rememebr you life seems so very beautiful...it makes you happy..how much ever a person is in love with himself, affection and adoration always gives him that extra puff..that extra ziff...that extra push..that elevation...what made me feel the best was I was the one who gave a gift to my mom..i took Her to my grandma...without my "strategies" dad wudn't have been too convinced..heheh...never mind...it was a special day....loved the way dad chided me for all those calls and messages...hehe.....with a naughty look on his face...

Aaj phir..

Aaj phir unke gali ki oar jaane ka man kiya,
Unke chaukhat pe nange paav khade hone ka man kiya,
Bhale hi kyun na aana pade khali haath waapis,
Aaj jholi bichaker Unse mohabbat maangne ka man kiya.

Bohot tanhayee main pyaar ker chuke Unko,
Aaj jubaan kholker izhaar kerne ka man kiya,

Vo kaahish jo seene ke qafas main qaid hai,
aaj lafzon main bayaan kerne ka man kiya,

Dil se pukaare ja rahe the Unhe arson se,
aaj cheekhker Unka naam lene ka man kiya,

Bandh aankhon ne kai khwaab dekhe Unke laut aane ka,
aaj ji bher ke deedar e rukhsaar kerne ka man kiya,
aaj phir Unke chaukhat pe nange paav khade hone ka man kiya,
Jholi bichaker Unse mohabbat kerne ka man kiya.....
(Krish)

transition...

I am going through a transitional phase...loads of time to think...sometimes i feel i should close all shutters down and just be alone..enjoy my own company..the fear of faling in love and pain at the same time haunts me...at other times i fel ashamed of this fear...Ashish would get angry too.he believes in believeing and thanx to offlat3e even I have started believeing..and I am putting it to application in my own house to some success...dad ke saath ocasional jhagde tho phir bhi hothe hain...i feel disappointed sometimes bcoz the pat on the back which i want from dad never really comes to me..dad loves putting me down..i really dont know why...is it because he doesn't really likeme getting beter than him...or is it because he doesn't want me to become arrogant with everyone around praising me..?? he loves me no doubt about that but i dont really understand why is he behaving so strangely..like a distant person..he doesn't approve of anything i do..anything i am...kya kareing..but he is good and to a large extent he is contributed to whatever good there is in me...sooner or later i feel this thing would be solved..i wil become more mature and may be dad to.hehe.. till then may be i ll try to hold my tempers down and stop myself...i have become a beter person and a better son offlate..thanx to the various relationships i have had over the past year....that is the advantage of meeting and interacting with sensible and thinking people....

Nostalgia....

The last day at college..most of the rooms had already been deserted..loads of trash...things thrown away....empty corridors..which were once filled with peals of laughter now echoing haunting silence..so many memories..reected..abandoned..and a few that would forever be etched ont eh ehart...the symbol of a lifecycle..as each auto drove away from the premises only to bring fresh faces a coule of months later.. the abode that was ours now derelict..soaked in our joy and pain..laughter and grimaces...how many faces would disappear forever...how many friends would become strangers...how many words would fade away..how many relations would flow away in the tide of life..never to be heard, seen or felt...never to be experienced....never again...this moment as I stand at the fringe of an old lifestyle wish a few things could be corrected, a few scripts rewritten, a few lessons relearnt..a few memories relived... a few hearts reconnected... a few thoughts refurnished... a few alleys revisited... a few ideas rejuvenated..a few smiles resonated..These last moments of a phase are causine me a pain..distinct yet nebulous..as if i know something's wrong and yet not know what it is or may be something is right and not being able to realise it..These nostalgic moments..